Goals for the next four months

For the next four months, I hope to achieve as much goals on my list as possible. I didn’t really make a list of goals exactly, but had an idea of how changed of a person I would be when I returned to the US. And in order to change into that better person there are a few goals I should accomplish to get there. The first and main goal for being here in Ha Noi is to improve my Vietnamese. Improving my Vietnamese is very important to me because I feel incredibly unattached to the language and the people. On Friday, when we were split into groups to act out scenarios, I felt very uncomfortable speaking in front of the class, practicing my Vietnamese. I sometimes do feel embarrassed while speaking in public, but it was nothing like speaking Vietnamese in front of Vietnamese speaking students. It felt awful and humiliating and at this point I know to overcome my failures and fears, I know I have to practice more and immerse myself more into this culture here in Vietnam. I hope in the next four months, I will practice my Vietnamese and improve dramatically by the time I come home and speak to my grandmother. Another goal of mine is to learn more about Vietnamese history and basically the social and economic life that is here in Vietnam. I grew up not knowing much about the history of Vietnam and I honestly don’t know much about the war. Around my house, we didn’t really talk a lot about Vietnamese history because my family doesn’t have a lot of ties to this country. I really want to learn more about Vietnamese history from the point of view of Vietnamese educators but most importantly the locals here in Ha noi. And lastly, another goal of mines that I hope to achieve in the next four months is to make a connection with this country. I’ve only been here for about three weeks and the first two weeks were awful. Everyone in the program’s really nice, but in the first two weeks I felt like going home almost everyday and it was quite difficult adjusting to this country. I kept thinking what most likely everyone in the program was thinking, the weathers too hot and humid, it smells everywhere, the food gives me diarrhea, I get the flu and feel sick and gross, and my family and friends are miles are an ocean away! With all these awful thoughts in my head I really considered leaving, but after the second week and after feeling better, I’m at a good state right now. I’m not completely in love with this place, but every week I’m growing to appreciate the little things here. Everything is so incredibly cheap and I’m starting to like the food. My stomach’s feeling better and I’m in the beginning stages of adapting to this new environment. I also met my family last weekend which was a lot of fun and really helped with the transition. My cousin Diep picked me up from school on her motorbike and took me shopping which was a lot of fun. She was sweet enough to drive all the way from our village to pick me up which took about an hour and twenty minutes on her motorbike through traffic. My first time on a motorbike was with her and I felt like I could trust her completely. She was the best driver I’ve seen yet in Ha noi and I plan to spend more of my free time with her and visit the village more often. The whole village was very kind towards me and I felt very welcomed and safe. My only problem was that they all spoke Vietnamese with a northern accent and it was a bit difficult understanding them completely as I grew up speaking with a southern accent. Another problem I experienced with them was also how they all kept trying to feed me. It was a lot of fun following a simple day process that began with eating breakfast then sitting around then lunch followed by an afternoon nap, then waking up to drink tea at the local café, followed by dinner and then off to bed. I felt very unproductive, more so then usual, and somewhat bored. The village is in a very remote and rural area outside of Ha noi but being there for the weekend, I felt very warm and full. I just hope I can survive here for the next four months and I also want to become more independent especially from my family. I spend a lot of time with them, I value that time very much but I do need more space so I can transition better without talking to them every single minute. I am already a very independent person, but for the most part I depend on my family and friends. I feel like that isn’t necessarily a terribly bad thing, but I know it has to be done sooner or later as we’re not kids anymore. But my ultimate hope for the next four months is that I will grow to love this country and be able to pass on some knowledge and language to my children.